What The Bloggers Are Blogging About

Could New Ubuntu Release Create Black Hole And Destroy The Earth?

2010-04-29T16:57:00.002+01:00

As you are all probably aware, Apple fanboys everywhere are eagerly awaiting the release of the latest version of the Chocolate Factory's operating system, dubbed Microsoft Ubuntu 10.04 SE For Workgroups. But beneath the joviality could lie a sinister threat to the stability of many users computer systems.

Some users fear that the high energies involved in putting together a Linux distro could be enough to create a microscopic black hole which would gradually grow and eventually absorb the whole Earth and beyond. Were this to happen, and the Earth to be destroyed, all the computers in the world would stop working and aircraft would fall from the sky. The airlines would lose money in proportions that financial accountants term "for reals this time" and the global economy would crash and terrorists would take over.

However, people who actually know what they're talking about assure us that Linux distros are constantly being built in the upper atmosphere all the time, and that this is perfectly safe because any black hole which could be created by those energies, were they to be sufficiently great, would disappear before it could pose any kind of threat on default security settings.

To conclude I would like to assure the reader that Ubuntu 10.04 cannot create a black hole that would destroy the Earth.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Found Near Jesus In Hungarian Field

2010-04-28T11:41:00.002+01:00

Christianity is one of the top up-and-coming technology companies in the twenty-first century. In a massive multi-million dollar publicity stunt they have gone and drawn the image of their CEO Jesus Christ onto a field in downtown Hungary.

It wasn't until photographed from the air for appearance in a television commercial that bystanders noticed the image of a teenage mutant ninja turtle just below the penguin with a massive erection.

Obvious to all, this is clearly a message from Leonardo that the turtles are still with us and fighting Shredder in the age of information. He is unmasked, an unequivocal statement of his concern for consumer privacy issues.

Fortunately for all, El Reg has five links in one article.

CNN Steals Article From The Onion

2010-01-12T13:50:00.003Z

CNN, an up-and-coming news site, has, it appears, stolen an article from long standing and reputable news satire site The Onion. Two men with goatees (actually circle beards) tell us about the article's appearance on CNN.

The article in question, which has obviously been stolen from The Onion by CNN, is nowhere to be found on The Onion's website, further evidence that CNN has actually stolen it.

"The article is obviously from The Onion", one Internet Relay Chat participant comments, "because it is in a similar tone to the other Onion articles: Almost believable at first, but as you delve further into it it just becomes ridiculous."

The commenter was later believed to have been acting on behalf of CNN and to have stolen the comment from the person who originally would have said it.

"dude i was gonna say that ur from msn [CNN] or sumfin lol?"

Looking Back: WTBABA 2009 In Review

2009-12-27T16:40:00.000Z

I didn't post anything except this in 2009 because I cannot really be bothered running a proper blog.

To conclude: As we are about to enter 2010, I look forward to creating even greater content than I have done before. The coming year will be another chapter of quality publications in the niche field of rank-amateur-meta-pseudo-journalism. It will be a year when I, with brazen determination, rise up to the challenge and beat my personal record of seven posts in the year 2008.

Technology: Technology

2008-05-31T12:28:00.002+01:00

Do you want to know what somebody on the internet thinks are the ten technologies that are most obviously likely to flourish over the coming years? Do you yearn for hints on which companies it would have been good to invest in five years ago? Are you sure you want to know? Are you really really sure?

We have the answer - simply ask Slashdot, the social network famed for their zealous Microsoft fanboydom and semi-recent protests over the Church of Latter Day Saints parking violations. They will tell you to ask The Business of IT blog, a blog which is only distinguishable from other blogs by its name and content, which will tell you ask eHomeUpgrade, a website named after and entirely simulated on a type of Apple computer. They have either asked or been told the answer by Gartner, and have an article on it.

They predict things like mashups of webcomics being displayed on OLED billboards, or multicore processors so that Dell machines can download two tunes at once or let you read up to two emails per hour. Computing will get all Contextual and Ubiquitous on you, but you can argue back with Semantics if you want. Also mentioned is cloud computing, certain to aid with weather prediction which is good news for the Mile High Club.

Nothing Happened For A While

2008-05-10T13:42:00.000+01:00

Nothing noteworthy happened in the past few months.

Insider Tech: Why is Everybody So Clueless as to the Importance of Jumping On The Desktop Search Bandwagon?

2008-02-22T14:21:00.003Z

Not much has really happened in February that was worth blogging about. Nothing, that is, except for the Importance of Desktop Search to the Masses. For those that don't know, Desktop Search is the single most important invention in human history.

Prior to this amazing mathematical discovery, everybody's documents were stored on the internet with an index on their desktop to say where on their drive the documents first sector was located. This meant that whenever a user wanted to look for something in one of their documents they had to authenticate with the internet to download their RAM to the CPU, for every single file. This could take a long time with a lot of documents but because it was only 1995 nobody had had much time to write that many, so it was not an issue.

Now in 200345678, the year of the Linux Desktop, people have been making documents for a good ten or twenty years, so they have lots of them, and the old way of searching for them has got really slow. This is where desktop search comes in - instead of searching the internet, desktop search searches the desktop, so when you want to download one of your documents the search doesn't take as long as it would have in 1995 had you had more than a handful of documents. All the user has to do is move all their files onto their desktop and click search.

Lots of companies have tried to cash in on this - Apple created the Google Desktop, Yahoo created the Microsoft Finder, Astalavista created Windows Sideshow, and now there's a new contender set to rule them all. Sillicone Valley upstart SpectatorSwarm has created The Daily WTF, which stands for "Where's The Files?" This new product speeds things up a little because instead of pasting all the files into one big file and greppling it, it actually builds an index of all the files like on the internet.

And fortunately someone on Digg tells us how you can read all about it. No post will go unanswered!

"ANSWER! MY! F******! POST!"

"No, it isn't."

"Now I am confused."

The Top Ten Top Ten Lists (As of January 2008)

2008-01-31T19:24:00.000Z

As you all may know, no blog is a proper blog without a top ten list, so here is mine. I've scoured the first few pages of goog- I mean the web, and I can now present to you the top ten top ten lists. Not of all time, and not over a particular time period, but top and ten of them.

#10: Top ten Apple rumours of all time

This is only tenth because in all the years of the universes existence, this is the best they could come up with. Also half of them are true, and none are any good like "Steve Jobs lives in a house with 40 cats" or "If you fold the iPod packaging right it says KKK". However this made the list because it's funny reading them say "yeah right" to the iPhone.

#9: Top 10 IT Disasters of all time

This one didn't rank any higher because disasters are a bit of a negative read, but it's still informative. They appear to give away the best first too.

#8: Top 10 Strangest Lego Creations

This one is a good read, except that I don't think they're all entirely made of lego, which marks this one down. I shouldn't focus on marking them down; it made the list because lego is pretty interesting even without a top ten list.

#7: Top 10 Most Common Passwords

This list is handy for all you trendies who need to think of a password but can't get anyone to tell you theirs. All you have to do is decide which one truly defines your identity and all that. If you still can't decide, you're one of those rare unique 123456's.

#6: Top 10 Incredible Recordings

Some lists have pictures, but this one has sounds, which gives it a good score. Also, if you're Deaf or at work and everyone's like "sssshhh", the text is still a good read.

#5: Top 10 tips for driving traffic AWAY from your website

This is my favourite of all the blogging and web related ones, as it's often good advice. Note however that robots.txt should also be used so that you don't get any hits back from Google. Runners up for this spot included Top Ten Blog Stories of 2007, Top Ten Blog Designs, Top Ten Blog Design Mistakes, How To Write A Successful Blog: Top Ten Tips, Usability: Top Ten Design Mistakes and Top Ten Reasons To Blog Or Not.

#4: The top 10 hand gestures you'd better get right

This is about swearing, and how you might accidentally do it to someone abroad inadvertantly. Don't read it if you're going abroad in case you dwell on it and start to act nervously while still at the airport, and then get pulled away for some extra searching. Also scores for the picture of Tony Blair (British Prime Minister 1997-2007) behaving like an ordinary student.

#3: Top Ten Black Hat Hackers

I like reading about hackers, especially the older ones. It's the swashbuckling of the information age. The technical details are interesting, and the jail time reminds you not to try anything stupid. Mostly out of personal bias, this list makes number three.

#2: Top Ten Astronomy Pictures of 2007

This scores because not only are the pictures all good, but they're just the ones from 2007. Also I like space.

#1: Top Ten Top Ten Lists (As of January 2008)

Yes, this top ten list is better than all of the other top ten lists because it links to them all, which makes sense if you think about it.

The great SNES kerfuffle.

2008-01-30T13:07:00.000Z

Many of you may remember the release of the Sega SNES back in the 1990s. The Motorola 80868K powered sequel to the Sega Nintendo rocked the gaming world with titles like Manic Minor, Sonic R and Grand Theft Auto 3.

But now, Keith Stuart asks "Is SNES The Greatest?"

Don Reisinger replies "The SNES is The Greatest Console Of All Time."

And Will Greenard is all like "The Greatest Game Console Of All Time?"

But is it though? That is the point: Is it though? Related posts from among the top blogs in the whole entire blogosphere, but not one iota of conclusiveness. While it is true that the SNES mouse can be wired up to the PC, one has to ask, "but what does that really mean?"

Fortunately, Blogowogo tells us how Digg tells us how retromaniac lists for us the top 25 SNES games, on RetroJunk. Rock & Roll Racing is twenty-fifth.

"#25 - Rock 'N Roll Racing"

The stage is set, the green flag drops!

Just In: VSNetwork Reports on Slashdot Thinkpad Thing

2008-01-21T13:01:00.000Z

Just a few moments earlier this past two days, VSNetwork user Gizmondo reports how Slashdot have reported on Gizmodo's leaking of specs for Apple's new Dell Thinkpad X3100 ultralight laptop. The unit features a 13.3 inch LED screen, weighs 2.5 kilos and contains a 64 GB Symantec Secure Digital drive. More of the story can be read at Slashdot.

"Read more of this story at Slashdot."

It looks to be competition for the Kindle Macbook Air, should the information prove to be true.

Breaking News: Scoble Agrees With Microsoft Guy's Post

2008-01-19T23:02:00.000Z

Just eleven hours ago, Rob Scoble of scobleizer.com, a man whose blog I had never read before, posted to mention that Microsoft PR Guy Frank Shaw posted something or other about Apple. And Rob agrees with his analysis.

"I agree with his analysis"

Also, while I'm on the topic, Jason Bradbury tells us how those guys at Gizmodo have, on their thirty-second attempt, perfected the supersonic motorcycle. Its 340 psi pulse jets can accelerate from 0 to 750 Km/h faster than a "turbocharged Hayabusa."